Humble.

Towards the end of 2007, I had an increased sense that this year was going to be a year of release, blessing & hope (especially compared to the darkness that seemed to pervade my life in 2007). To an extent, it has been - there has been some pretty significant doors that have opened this year, and doors that are still opening.

However, it seems that these doors have only opened as I've been humbled (both voluntary, and forced upon me). It seems that this year many things have gone wrong and not according to plan.

Projects that I've been involved with have either crashed & burned (and myself getting burnt with it), or are struggling to go anywhere. On a number of occasions, I've let some good people down. Thing's I'd hoped to accomplish are still on the 'to do' list. At the very least, it’s been embarrassing & frustrating. Increasingly, though, it’s becoming quite painful to deal with this failure, especially with a perfectionist personality such as my own.

Over the past few years, I’ve been getting more & more, to a point it was making me delusional. I became deceived as my dependence upon my own strength & wisdom overtook a conscious decision be in awe of God, and to trust in the power of His might. In my mind I had inflated my view of my skills, knowledge, wisdom, capabilities, character & strength.

As I look back over my behaviour, conduct & thinking over the past few years, I cringe at how much I’ve been deceived about myself.

As this realisation has been growing in my mind, the more it has hurt and has been humbling. I'm still working through it - sometimes wanting to gloss over the realisations that I’ve been having. Sometimes I've been dealing with it by isolating myself from people, too embarrassed to relate to them (especially if it involves people I’ve let down or have felt I’ve been acting proud around).

The real downer about pride is also that by neglecting to put my trust in God, I really lost my source of hope (and I suspect this led to my bout of depression last year). Instead of crying out to God, I trusted in a crumbling tower of imaginary strength.

One of the big deceptions that I swallowed was that to be free of weakness & bondage, we have to deal with the issue ourselves…in our own strength. There is a part truth in that (we do need to take responsibility for where we are at), but there is also a strong lie there too (we need to ask God to heal us, not we use our own wisdom to bring healing). I have been battling a number of burdens through-out my life – intimidation, fear, an inability to be close to people, and other issues. On many occasions, I’ve felt these issues have caused a “failure to launch” in my life, with many opportunities & potential joys in my life thwarted. There is a desire in my heart to be free from these things, but as swallowed this lie about how to be free, I became convinced that I would have to change myself, instead of letting God’s grace work in my life.

I deceived myself thinking that been puffed-up was the same as been ‘built-up’. I was trying to convince myself that I was strong, in-charge and alive. I’ve been inspired (maybe jealous?) by the intelligence & skills of a number of managers I’ve witnessed in the past few years, and for all intents & purposes, I wanted to be like them. But the weaknesses in my life prevented me from ‘attaining that level’, and I suspect it was from there that I started getting puffed up (something which is hard to resist when you work in a knowledge-intensive industry – Paul reminds us that “knowledge puffs up, but love builds up”).

One of the ways 2008 has been a blessing has been the way God has sovereignly & gracefully been ‘unwrapping’ the deception off my life. On a number of occasions, His light has been shining through, and His truth has been breaking the shackles. This has partly been through painful, pride-induced mistakes I’ve made. But it has also been through truths that He has been placing my way in recent months. One was from my mum, who said that the way we become strong & break free is by pressing into God. It took 3 seconds for mum to say that, but it’s been driving me for the past 6 months to get closer to God, to press-in, and to trust Him. It came as a significant relief to hear that – no more striving required!

The second was one Sunday I was listening to a speaker from Teen Challenge – the word he spoke seemed to break something significant in my heart. About a week before, I had again let down someone, and the pain was rather crippling. I think he was talking about the spirit of adoption – how God has adopted us as His own children. I cant remember it all, except the great sense of liberty & freedom. Interestingly, this freedom came as I gained a revelation about been a child – innocent, unassuming & humble.

Whilst I was having that revelation, I also began to see God has been good! I’ve had depression twice, and on both occasions I’ve noticed that I had the perception that God was cruel & harsh – that I had to perform to achieve His grace, that I had to be strictly obedient, or else He was going to crucify me on the spot!

[I should clarify something: obedience is vital. What I’m referring to is a willing heart, but where fears or other bondage become so daunting that I’m unable to function. An example in year 12, before I got depression for the first time, was I thought God wanted me to talk with a Christian at school about a prayer meeting we had been holding. I had an incorrect sense that God would punish me if I didn’t do that! But at the same time I was suffering very poor self-esteem – and as such I felt myself under such a burden of condemnation because I couldn’t achieve what I thought God was asking me to do. I think God wanted me to chat with this person, but it was NOT of Him that I felt a sense of condemnation. As such, God has been healing me of poor self-esteem to the point I’m now confident talking with CEOs and the like. But it was a progressive healing – it took time, and many hours of crying out that God would heal me.]

In April this year I felt depression was coming my way again, but it was soon after I saw God with clearer eyes, that he wasn’t harsh, and indeed exceptionally loving. The root of depression didn’t hold on for long, and as such I have not suffered from it much this year. That’s not to say I haven’t been grieved – I have been, and still am. In fact the grief seems to be growing rather than anything else, but I suspect its probably a good thing overall – much like a grieving process allows people to come through the loss of a loved one, I think this is a way of acknowledging my wrong, but coming through and fully trusting God.

The History of Work ... & Redemption

A friend of mine recently blogged about "meaning" in our working lives. Rather than post a massive comment, I thought I would post a blog instead ;)

Its interesting that "Generation Y" (generally those born after 1980) are recognised as have far different working values than "Gen X" and the "baby boomers". These include having little 'company loyalty' for life, and are quite altruistic, with a desire for real meaning in their paid work.

What is even more interesting, is how this whole concept of work-with-purpose ties into the history of the world, and redemption through Jesus Christ.

Paul makes a very politically-incorrect statement in 2 Thess 3:10! "If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat". This actually links right back to the fall of mankind.

In the Garden of Eden, all required food was brought forth for Adam & Eve to enjoy without toil. However, after the fall, God effectively says that the only way man-kind will eat is by hard-toil.

Just imagine for a moment, however, Adam and his descendants. Initially, they probably were all farming themselves – tending flocks, tilling the ground, and probably at night trying to prepare enough shelter.

However, after a while, someone probably said something like “I will build you a dwelling/house, in exchange for a given amount of food”.

If you think about it, this is the foundation of the global economy! EVERY person is having to work for food & shelter, or else perishing. Whether that be a professional working in a high-rise building, to an African tribe hunting for the whole day, trying to find food – everyone is, at the end of the day, doing the same thing.

However, when we are redeemed by Christ, are we are no longer simply working to exist? I believe that when we become Christ’s, EVERYTHING in our life comes into subjection to Him … and can be redeemed to be used for His Kingdom purposes.

Many Christians think that ‘to work for Christ’, however, means serving in a church organisation. WRONG! I suspect that there are A LOT of God’s people who are working in church-based organisations who are not in their God-given calling! Through-out history, God has placed His people in the system of the world to usher in God’s rule into given situations (eg, Joseph, Daniel, Esther, Paul). We are not to confuse being “set apart” as locking ourselves into a building – we are called to go into the world!

I might be controversial in saying that unfortunately, I think a number of churches have mixed up going into the world with bringing the world into the church. There’s a great saying: the ship in the sea is a useful thing; the sea in the ship is a problem.

What is your calling? What is your God-given mission for your short stay here on earth?

For some reason, Joel chapter 2 seems a way of summing up (these are versus 7, 8, 9):

They shall run like mighty men; they shall climb the wall like men of war; and they shall march every one on his ways, and they shall not break their ranks:
Neither shall one thrust another; they shall walk every one in his path: and when they fall upon the sword, they shall not be wounded.
They shall run to and fro in the city; they shall run upon the wall, they shall climb up upon the houses; they shall enter in at the windows like a thief.

Going for Gold

Last Tuesday night I started playing indoor soccer.

Last Tuesday night it took me 15 minutes to get to the venue from home.

Last Tuesday night I played on the pitch for 15 minutes.

Last Tuesday night it took me 35 minutes to get home - I thought I was going to pass out on the way home from exhaustion (so I stopped at the shop, brought chocolate & had a power-nap... ).

Last Tuesday night, I'm not sure why I thought excess consumption of chocolate would some how calm me down...

This Tuesday (yesterday) I played for 25 minutes. It took 15min either way home.

I think I'm slowly getting fitter!

Write the vision

"Write the vision
And make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it.
For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry."
-- Habakkuk 2: 2-3

For some time now (like, over a decade), I’ve had a vision in my heart about what I hope to achieve in life. It is not a cheap vision – we are talking a vision where hundreds of thousands of dollars are simply rounding errors.

Yet, for some time I have felt restricted and in bondage … unable to really move forward to achieve this vision, or even tackle some of the most basic things in life (eg, I have found fellowshipping with fellow believers a big struggle, among other people issues!) … but that is another story, and God is faithful and gradually setting me free. But I recently felt God place on my heart that He would not yet set me totally free, because I have neglected to do something He laid upon my heart a few years ago. That thing is writing my vision.

It’s interesting looking at that passage in Habakkuk – after the vision (which is also means ‘dream, revelation, sight, oracle’) has been written, then others can run with it. The word ‘run’ implies a sense of speed and haste, and even though it seems like it will take forever for the vision to come to past, when the time is right, it gushes forth!

Also interesting is the bit about other people reading it and running with it – one reason why it seems not much has happened towards achieving this vision is that I have communicated it with very few people. I’ve found from experience that trying to establish something on your own is next to impossible – it really takes a team to pioneer something. I found that when working on a grant application to run some science programs in school, it was a lot easier to work with someone on it, even though we had to spend more time communicating that I would if I was on my own. But I don’t think I would have put the application in if I didn’t have a partner in it.

But here is a question … how do we right the vision, when that dream is such a deep, deep thing in your heart? Unfortunately, you cant place a few probes on your heart and extract it with a computer – it has to be written and communicated out of your heart.

I’d be interested in your thoughts ;)

Are you creative?

Over the past few years, I’ve slowly been having it going through my head, about the idea of innovation & creativity. It’s an odd topic, because as an engineer, I’m specifically trained to pick on arts-students, and anyone else who is ‘creatively-inclined’!

But I dob myself in, because I am also a musician (guitar – Classical, up to Grade 5) – and I’m thankful mum painfully insisted I do it, because I think it has made me a better engineer. Why? Because strangely enough, music and engineering are almost identical in their thinking processes (don’t quote me as a scientist – I didn’t have people’s brain-waves checked out!). Both music and engineering are governed by a number of fundamental principles & equations, yet they have to be applied in a creative way. There is no law of science that governs how they are used – its up to the uniqueness of individuals to work out how to that.

I’ve been thinking even more about creativity in the Bendigo and Australian context. You may have heard, Australia’s manufacturing operations face the threat of cheap imports, and what’s ‘worse’, the quality of items from China is improving in quality (Airbus has committed to a plan to assemble 150-seater jets – the A320 – in China, and they have been building passenger doors for their jets for years). How do we compete with this stuff? Simple. Don’t try to be the cheapest. Be something no-one can compete with – be your unique self (with your unique ideas too :) ).

But being creative seems to work against our fallen human nature. Ever noticed how obsessed we as a society are with conformity? My hairdresser the other day said “you can now wear 50s and 60s fashions now, and get away with it!” My question is – who decides what is in, and what’s out? We so often want to conform to the “accepted norm” (whatever that is) to be part of the fold.

I really believe that creativity is about leadership and boldness – a willingness to go into the ‘unknown’ and take risks. It’s a similar attitude to many of the early explorers. There is also the need for the ability to fly in the face of false-conformity – I say “false conformity” because we are not to oppose legitimate authority.

In-fact, creativity is probably the source of authority! Its interesting that Jesus is “the author and finisher (perfector)” of our faith (those who believe in & love Jesus). He is also the Supreme authority in the universe (this is not a question of what you believe – it’s a simple statement of fact, regardless of beliefs). He is also the Creator of the universe. And interesting that the first 6 letters of “authority” is the word “author”.

I strongly believe that the Church has a responsibility to ‘restore’ creativity to the place God originally intended (noticed how those who are called “creative” also exhibit much rebellion too?). And when I say ‘restore’, I also mean start to infect our cities with the creativity of Heaven. God’s invisible attributes are made clear by His creation (Romans 1: 20) – Could it be that we (The Church) need to start ushering in Godly creativity, even as part of a Holy Spirit-driven proclamation of the Gospel?

God is totally creative! Checkout the universe He made from nothing! And so perfectly too! Been made in His image, I believe man-kind has been called to be creative, but sin has stifled that (and has created conformity to this world). Looking at the Word of God, it would seem to indicate that it’s the Holy Spirit that is required to bring about that restoration in our own lives (checkout Ex 35: 30-35 and Romans 12:2).

I believe when we start living in the creativity that God intended, it will bring much blessing, even into our cities – and which will cause God to be proclaimed therein.

And I’d be interested in your thoughts – because I’m still developing mine in this area :)

God bless in Jesus name.

Returning to blogging...and to this city

Some may have noticed the lack of bloggerisation on this site. There is a good reason for that - I dont like this platform! I just started writing a large blog (about the first one ever...) and then I lost it all when Explorer went belly-up! And that's the second time that has happened to me (back in December last year - same thing). Grrrr...!

But I am going to try and contain this frustration (and ensure my fist does not 'make uncontrolled contact with this computer display' ... hehe). I want to use this blog for a purpose now (but I will have to hit Save a bit more now!).

For some time now I've been wanting to express my thoughts on a number of 'societal' issues (read "Kingdom issues"!). I believe God has placed a number of things in my heart with regards to Government, Community & Economic Development, transport infrastructure, business, defence, the role of The Church - and how all these apply to the Kingdom of God. I've been wanting to express my vision publically for some time now, and I feel this portal (as incompetent as it is!) is the way to help get stuff off my chest.

Today I was thinking about why people leave regions like Bendigo to head to 'the big city' (such as Melbourne). Why do particularly young people disengage from cities such as this and perceive them to have little opportunities. Here are some thoughts...

We all seem to have an innate desire to be apart of something bigger than ourselves. And I think we also have a desire to sometimes get lost in it! I believe its a human longing God placed in people so they would desire Him and His Majestic Kingdom (perhaps a tangent for another blog another time!).

Here's an example: I remember as a kid going to Melbourne airport, and perceiving the place as been soooooooo HUGE!!! I loved it and was totally excited by been there – I wanted to explore, and thought I could be there for days on end looking around. However, having been there this week, its now more of a headache trying to wheel bags into the terminal and making sure I both check in and get to the gate on-time. The excitement has been lost because I’m now very familiar with it all.

I suspect the nature of large cities (eg, over 1 million people) give young people a perceived opportunity to reignite that passion to explore– been lost in the large city crowd can be an exciting adventure to discover news things. I think this is one reason why many young adults have a keen desire to travel.

The idea of seeing ‘big cities’ having more opportunities that ‘regional areas’ (I will explain these differences in a later blog) is probably just that – “seeing”, or perception. Simply seeing so many people in the one physical location (for example, Bourke St Mall in Melb) seems to trigger in people the idea that there is so many more opportunities to interact, do something new, and make a positive change in some way. More people means more resources to do things, and more experiences to be had. I think experiences is a key word – have you noticed how ‘night-life’-type music seems to trigger experiences and ideas of cities of large amounts of people? I’m listening to that type of music right now, and I’m having ‘feelings’ for been caught up in the ‘buzz of a large city’.

That all said, I would like to overlay these perceptions with some other observations.

I suspect that there are more opportunities in places like Bendigo. Although it doesn’t seem like it (due to the seemingly lack of people), there is more opportunities to impact an entire region through cities like Bendigo – something I feel I’m on the path to doing through initiatives like the Bendigo +25 – I will again describe in subsequent blogs.

There seems to be less opportunities to ‘explore’ (ie, look around physical locations, and meet interesting people) in a place like Bendigo. However, I believe that the sense of community in such a location offers the opportunity to be connected and actually checkout some very interesting places and people indeed – opportunities you wouldn’t have in a larger city. Even if the ‘smorgasbord’ isn’t there (perhaps another young-persons driver – choice), I believe that if people are engaged to discover things together, that sense of ‘nothingness’ can be overcome.

I also suspect that a setup of ‘satellite communities’ may also be a key – places like Newcastle for example. The Hunter has a population of about 600000 people, yet Newcastle (‘the capital of the Hunter’) only has about 200000. Yet there is a sense of something ‘big’ in the region because of the surrounding districts like Macquarie Lakes.

I guess in summing up – ultimately that ‘void’ in people’s hearts can only be filled with the riches of God’s Kingdom. The Word of God says that He goes from “glory to glory” – a continual newness & discovery, something I think we all are seeking.

Yuck Speak

• Knowledge Integration Unit= Book

• "Future Combat System is an Army networked system of systems that serves as the core building block within all Objective Force manoeuvre units of action to enhance advanced joint and coalition warfighting capabilities to provide options for decisive victory to our nation" = radio equipped tank

• Payload accommodation manager customer affairs = check-in staff

• 75,000 square foot, three-bay, multi-functional, corrosion control facility = paint shed
• Test article deformed excessively = broke
  
• Deployable hybrid integrated shelter solution = tent
  
• We are reviewing best practices = stealing
  
• Extravehicular Activity Mobility Unit = space suit
  
• We’re essentially talking here about a de-massification of prosumers" = job cuts
  
• "The Federal Office for Civil Aviation should verify that all pilots in possession of Swiss pilot licences with an instrument rating have the necessary basic knowledge concerning actual instrument flight procedures and PANS-Ops (procedures for air navigation services)" = can you fly?
  
• Lehman's De Munro named compliance person of the year = yes man
  
• Complete traceability solution for the development of safety critical applications = check list
  
• 'spontaneous energetic disassembly' = explosion
  
• permanently immobilize = kill
  
• area denial munitions = landmines
  
• facilities management coordinator = toilet cleaner
  
• garden leverage utensil = shovel
  
• "The plane made uncontrolled contact with the ground" = it crashed
  
• pilot-selected canopy shatter control = a hammer